Life in Poster Art: Charles Napier (1936-2011)

Damn, we were hoping to get our Halloween Havoc 2011 stuff rolling this week, but we figured this deserved a mention.  Yesterday the world stopped to mourn the loss of Steve Jobs (no joke, they interrupted JEOPARDY to tell us), but the B-movie world lost an even bigger star.  A lot of folks might not know the name Charles Napier, but they would recognize his face. Probably best known as the evil bureaucrat in RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985), Napier appeared in well over 200 movies and television shows over his 40-plus year career.  One thing is for sure, you could always count on a solid performance from the man, even when the production might not be as solid.  As a good guy, bad guy or ordinary guy, he was always tops.

The most recent viewing I can recall seeing him in was Fred Olen Ray's DEEP SPACE (1988) where he played a cop (a role he was often in).  The film actually had a bit where Napier's character tries to seduce a girl by playing the bagpipes (!) and he made it work.  I know Tom recently saw him in the direct-to-video actioner FELONY (1995).  And while the final product was subpar, I'm sure Napier delivered in his role.  Of course, the biggest career achievement one can obtain is working for the Italians in low budget flicks.  Like all truly worthy thespians, Napier traveled there to turn out some of our favorite flicks of his including Fabrizio de Angelis' THE LAST MATCH (1990), where a football team break some falsely accused American kids out of a prison...in their football jerseys.  Tom adds: One of my all time favorite lines was in THE BLUES BROTHERS and his reading of it really made it the great line that it is. “You’re going to look pretty funny trying to eat corn on the cob with NO FUCKING TEETH!” Classic.  RIP, Mr. Napier!

The Italian years:

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Listomania!: Will's September 2011 Viewings

Damn, another month gone already?  I was able to cram in 26 flicks during September, which isn’t too bad.  The number breaks down as follows: 20 DVDs (I include DVD-Rs in that), 2 VHS, 2 streaming online, 1 laserdisc and 1 venture outside to the theater.  It was, per usual, a collection of the good, the bad and the ugly.  The biggest question is what does it say about movie watching when the best thing I saw all month was released in 1985?  Of course, I need to get the bad out of the way quickly.  Consider this first one a huge warning *inserts sounds of Public Emergency Announcement*

GEORGE A. ROMERO PRESENTS DEADTIME STORIES vol. 2 (2011) – Fearless friend Mark Tinta warned the public about volume one of this direct-to-video anthology series back in July of this year.  Did I listen?  No, of course not! Horror fans never listen.  Honestly, I knew this would be low budget, but I went in with the hope that I could get at least a semi-decent episode to bring back that old TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE or MONSTERS vibe.  Nope, not even close.  What I got was a complete amateur hour (and a half) from filmmakers who should know better.  What we get here are three stories introduced by Romero.  Matt Walsh directs "The Gorge," where three spelunkers get trapped in a cave. They are stuck for 27 days before two of them decide it is time to eat a bit of the wounded one. Jeff Monahan directs "On Sabbath Hill,” about an uptight college professor who impregnates a student. After she commits suicide (in front of the whole class), he starts to see visions of her. Finally there is "Dust" directed by DEATH SPA helmer Michael Fischa, where a experimental lab security guard steals some dust from Mars after a doc tells him it might cure his wife's cancer. It does indeed and she turns into a nympho. But when she reverts back to her ill state, he needs more.

Good GAWD!  This is some rough stuff.  First, you have these awful stories where you can guess the twist about 2 minutes into each segment.  Gee, the guy who stole the miracle Mars dust lives next to a cemetery…I wonder what will happen?  Second, I’ve seen better production values on made-for-Youtube shorts.  Monahan and Walsh have been in the business for years, yet they still manage to look like complete amateurs.  The worst sting comes from Fischa.  That guy has actually made an entertaining exploitation flick (the glorious DEATH SPA) so he has literally no excuse.  Finally, there are the Romero segments.  The filmmakers cut between two different recording sessions where he is wearing completely different clothes and looks to be just sitting in his living room.  No set up and zero atmosphere.  The segments are introduced with generic, “You ready to get scared?” lines and are followed with some bad pun.  This was a Pittsburgh-shot production so I know they probably pulled on Romero’s heartstrings there to get him to do this.  It is just embarrassing stuff.  Think of me as your personal Crazy Ralph (the town loony from FRIDAY THE 13th), “If you go anywhere near this title, you’re doomed.  You’re all doomed!”

ASSASSINATION GAMES (2011) – I’m secretly a Van Damme fan, but even I can’t keep up with all of his direct-to-video outings.  I knew about this one because Scott Adkins was involved and I dig his work.  Sadly, this is just as disappointing as their previous teaming on THE SHEPARD (2008).

Two corrupt Interpol cops decide to clean house and get rid of Roland Flint (Scott Adkins), a retired assassin who knows the dirt on them but is in hiding with his incapacitated wife (Bianca Van Varenberg, Van Damme's daughter). They have the gangster who raped Flint's wife released as to draw him out for one last job. But things get complicated when another assassin, Vincent Brazil (Jean-Claude Van Damme), also takes the $1 million contract. Gee, I wonder if these two will learn to respect each other and work together to achieve their mutual goal. This is just another tired entry in Van Damme's filmography. I guess it is better than some of his most recent work, but we are still dealing with a cliché ridden mess. Are we really still doing the "two assassins confront each other with guns pointed at their faces" shot in 2011? And are we still doing the "assassin with the heart of gold" routine? And are we still doing the "cultured assassin" practice (VD listens to classical music and plays chess and the violin)? The film benefits from the addition of DTV staple Scott Adkins and the two leads have a good rapport onscreen. Unfortunately, director Ernie Barbarash has no idea how to shoot a fight scene and Adkins' considerable talents are wasted. Barbarash also turns in one of the ugliest pictures I've seen in a long time. He thinks he adds style by completely bleeding the film of any color, resulting in something that looks like the sepia toned retro-western gag photos you get at an amusement park. Seriously, look at this:

The DVD box says color on it, but that isn't what you are getting. The finale is filmed in normal colors, making me surmise Barbarash thinks he is displaying the cold world the assassins work in until they "do good" and things are suddenly colorful. Well, it doesn't work at all.

DEATH BY DIALOGUE (1988) - Perhaps the world's only possessed script movie? Cary (Lenny Delducca) and four of his friends (including A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3's Ken "Kincaid" Sagoes) go to visit his crippled Uncle Ive, who lives on a sprawling ranch that used to be a movie location in the 1950s. Trouble starts when Shelly (Kelly Sullivan) finds an old script for a film titled VICTIM 67. The kids start getting offed and the script title and plot line keeps changing with each victim. So how did the script get possessed? Seems an ancient tribe the Uncle was friendly with in South America had put the soul of a nosy reporter they killed into an ancient urn and it got loose on a film set in the 1950s and entered a script. Makes perfect sense, right?

This little horror flick was from City Lights, the earlier company from PM Entertainment producers Joseph Merhi and Richard Pepin. It is like a lot of their early stuff, flatly shot but with enough technical sheen to put it above most horror muck. Director Tom DeWier is primarily a stuntman in Hollywood and gets a few cool stunt bits in here, including a girl being blown out of a barn mid-sex. The film's biggest attribute is its M.S.U. (Makin' Shit Up) quality like when one victim wanders into the woods only to see an 80s metal band jamming out before they make his head explode with a guitar to the cranium. Co-star Sagoes must have hated his agent, thinking, "This is the best you could do for me after ELM STREET 3?" Even worse, the filmmakers have him dress exactly the same as his earlier, popular character so audience know he is "the kid who survived A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3" (as the VHS box proudly proclaims).

Two reasons to watch EVIL TOONS

EVIL TOONS (1992) - Roxanne (porn star Madison Stone), Jan (porn star Barbara Dare), Terry (Suzanne Ager), and nerdy Megan (Monique Gabrielle) are hired by Burt (Dick Miller) to spend a weekend cleaning up an old house. You know Megan is the nerdy one because she wears glasses. Anyway, they are delivered a Necronomicon looking book by Gideon Fisk (David Carradine) and, after an incantation is read aloud, a cartoon wolf creature springs forth and starts killing folks. Leave it to Fred Olen Ray to call his film EVIL TOONS, yet only have one cartoon in it with only roughly a minute of animated footage to boot. WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT this ain't. This is deliberately goofy stuff and it serves its purpose (topless scenes) for its 82 minutes. The funniest bits are nearly all from Miller, including a scene where he DOESN'T want to get it on with his horny wife (Michelle Bauer). Carradine probably only shot one day on this for drug money and Ray hilariously cuts to reaction shots of him to make you think he is just chilling outside. See David Carradine slink behind a tree! Helping beef up the "name" factor is Arte Johnson as a perv neighbor. It is filmed at that same recognizable house where Ray also did TEENAGE EXORCIST and SPIRITS. Wynorski also did SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE II there.

THE CURIOUS DR. HUMPP (1969) - A reporter and a detective try to figure out who is behind a series of kidnappings of young couples making out. Their only clue is a hulking monster seen around town picking up girls and pharmacy orders (oddly, no one freaks out about when they see it). The man behind the mysterious abductions is Dr. Humpp, a mad scientist who is hellbent on turning humans into "veritable sex machines" to increase physical and mental performance. Wait, why is he a bad guy? Well, he also has the talking brain of an old Italian doctor in a bottle and uses fluid from his prisoners' libido (huh?) to keep himself young. This softcore T&A horror flick from Argentina is curious indeed. If you took out all the sex scenes, you might have a 25 minute movie. Lots and lots of shots of naked bodies (the first real line of dialogue isn't until about 12 minutes in). This import does have some really nice B&W photography though and you'll be surprised at how expertly dubbed it is.

And finally, the best movie I saw in all of September 2011…

THE LOST EMPIRE (1985) – Tom previously reviewed this one of the blog here, but I feel it deserves another mention because it is that damn good.  Three bosomy babes go undercover to the island of Dr. Sin Do (Angus Scrimm) to find out why Angel's cop brother was murdered by some ninja looking dudes. The diabolical doctor holds a martial arts tournament, but it also using his conquests for slaves to be sold while staying young by drinking their blood. Oh, and he is also looking to gain world power by combining the ancient Eyes of the Avatar stones, one of which just happens to be in Angel's purse. This was director Jim Wynorski's directing debut and it is delight from start to finish. It is incredibly pulpy and definitely has its tongue-in-cheek. The most surprising thing here is all three female leads (Melanie Vincz as Angel, Raven De La Croix as Whitestar, Angela Aames as Heather) are actually really funny in their roles, showing they were on the same page as Wynorski. Of course, seeing as this is Wynorski, you know that the screen will be covered in busty babes who get topless. Hell, his opening shot is a James Bond-style scope that pans across a pair of boobs! He doesn't disappoint and Russ Meyer would be proud. It is such a strong debut for Wynorski that it saddens me that he basically stopped giving a damn 10 years later and now just cranks out generic action and T&A messes. Co-starring Paul Coufos as love interest Rick, Robert Tessier as evil sidekick Koro, and Blackie Dammett (aka Anthony Keidis' pop) as a corrupt cop.

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Listomania!: Thomas' September 2011 Viewings

THE MAN ON THE ROOF (1976): Bo Widerberg's cool, gritty, realistic police thriller based on Maj Sjöwall and Per Wahlöö's Martin Beck novel of the same title. An old cop is brutally murdered in a hospital room in a genuinely creepy opening sequence that feels like it was straight out of an Argento movie of the same era. As detective Martin Beck investigates the case, it becomes clear that this was one bad cop and that a lot of people may have had it in for him, even worse, one of those people could be a police officer. Gritty and stark, Widerberg plays out the scenario with an almost documentary style (aside from the opening scene), with minimal music, allowing the silence to heighten the sense of realism. The last half of the film where a sniper pins down an entire police force is an absolute classic of the genre. Not just a gripping police thriller, the story takes some great unexpected twists that would undoubtedly be completely reworked if it were made today. It's pretty obvious that the source material has been cut down to fit in a 110 minute movie, which will cause some Sjöwall and Wahlöö diehards (like my father) to grumble, but taken for what it is, it's a great movie. One of these days, I should get around to reading those books. One of these days.

SKY PIRATES (1986): When I watched this back in the day I was bored stiff by it. I guess it just didn't push the boundaries of a PG rating like RAIDERS did. I watch it now and I am stunned by how much I enjoy it. Arguably one of the best Indiana Jones rip-offs simply because it creates its own little world that exploits all of the things people loved about RAIDERS, but goes about it's business in an entirely original way. Legendary air force pilot Dakota Harris (John Hargreaves) is commissioned with flying a mysterious crate off to Bora Bora along with a priest (Simon Chilvers), and his former WWII rival and now superior officer (Max Phipps). After crashing into the sea due to a bizarre electrical storm, Harris must escape from the stockade to search for the missing priest and the mysterious crate of ancient power. Yeah, well, if you watch it, you’ll get the INDIANA connection (or just look at the German DVD cover). Great Aussie cast with Hargreaves playing it cool as a cucumber in that huge fleece-lined flightjacket and Phipps setting a fashion-statement for the next decade of Asian films with a tall, peroxided flattop. Meredith Phillips is also thrown in as the priest's hot daughter with whom Hargreaves (again) has zero chemistry. Director Colin Eggleston does an about face from his disturbing-as-hell LONG WEEKEND and who knew John Lamond could produce such a fun, sleaze-free film?

AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK (1975): John Lamond's notoriously shoddy excuse of a mondo film promises FACES OF DEATH meets MONDO TOPLESS by a rather carefree narrator and delivers some of the most embarrassingly amateurish staged "events" of a totally unshocking nature as padding between a staggering amount of full frontal nudity. Some of the brutal mondo footage includes body painting; three not-terribly attractive middle-aged women roll around in paint for what seems like a freakin' eternity. More crotch shots than a fistfull of Franco flicks, but the rest of it is painfully uneventful. I guess there is a reason that Australia never was very competitive in this sub-genre.

THE RATS (1982): Aka DEADLY EYES. Bob Clouse. The best deaf director in Hollywood. I see you snickering. Yes, it's got Terriers dressed up as rats, yes it has a teenage girl trying to seduce an older man (happens every day, right?), no it doesn't have Peter Weller. Suck it up, punk. Sure it’s probably one of Clouse’s lesser works, but it’s still pretty damned entertaining and you have Scatman Corruthers playing a character, who one assumes, has a history of naval service due to his sodium-rich dialogue.

CHOKE CANYON (1986): Ovidio G. Assonitis makes the most out of his meger budget (for once) with this actioner about an oiled-up, iron-pumping, knuckle-brawling, six-gun shooting, dynamite blowing-uping physicist (Stephen Collins) who is working on a project to save the environment via clean energy. Problem is, some big corporation with a load of toxic waste to dump wants to use his canyon. They aren't going to take no for an answer and he ain't going without a fight! You may want to take a moment to let that sink in. Completely ludicrous, even by Ovidio's lofty standards, but loaded with enough crazy-ass vehicular and pyrotechnic stunts to make Hal Needham green with envy. Plus you have Nicholas Pryor as the evil Pilgrim, Lance Henriksen in George Romero's glasses and Bo Svenson as a soft-spoken uber-mercenary badass who gets his butt soundly kicked by a scientist. What more could you want? Serena Grandi running around naked? Well, yes, but that would just be too much of a good thing.

                              

Ooooooh, snaps! Holmes is down!

SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON, PART FOUR: DUEL TO THE DEATH (1980): Not quite up to par with the first set of films from '79, in part due to the fact that this entry based on "The Adventure of the Final Problem" which details Holmes' meeting and subsequent battle with Professor Moriarity. This is a bit premature in the series as Moriarity has barely been introduced and it's supposed to end with the death of Holmes. Still entertaining, but not as good as the previous films, in part due to some wildly melodramatic over-acting by Viktor Yevgrafov, who appears to believe he is a villain in a silent movie. Someone give that man a mustache to twirl!

             

HARD KNUCKLE (1987): The CITIZEN KANE of dystopian pool movies. Seriously, one of the best movies I've seen this year. Check out the full review here.

HOODWINK (1981): Wrong-headedly marketed as a crime-comedy, this Aussie drama starts off on the right foot as a solid crime flick about a bank robber / con-man (John Hargreaves) who gets busted for his latest robbery and figures that the only way out is to pretend to be blind. This quickly stumbles into a romantic angle with a married bible-thumper (Judy Davis) who is moon-eyed by the dashing con and the film crawls to it's inevitable conclusion. Great casting, including Dennis Miller (no, not that one), Max Cullen, Colin Friels and for a minute or two, a very young Geoffrey Rush as a cop with an attitude. This film is loaded with issues, one of which is that it is clearly made by and for those who enjoy seeing Hargreaves in as little clothes as possible. Hargreaves is sweaty and stripped to the waist. Hargreaves in the shower. Hargreaves in speedos running on the beach (looking like he's about to pimp a product that promotes "freshness"). Hargreaves in the shower again. Hargreaves wearing only a little towel that conveniently falls open. Fer chrissake John, keep your damn clothes on! If that isn't a clear enough example of what the main focus of the movie is, Hargreaves and Davis have the most akward chemistry (for obvious reasons) and provide some of the most awkward and passionless romance in cinema history. Hargreaves has always had issues playing it straight, with none of his female relationships really coming off well (except maybe LONG WEEKEND, in which he is supposed to be madly in hate with his wife), but this one is particularly painful since it takes up the last hour of the movie. Gotta love that Yugoslavian poster though. Clearly P.T. Barnum had some cousins in the film distribution business.

LADY OF THE NIGHT (1986): Now you'll see how I really don't have any integrity when it comes to objective film viewing. This Serena Grandi soft-core drama probably found a home on Cinemax back in the late '80s due to it's clumsier than average dubbing. Plot-wise it's a pretty straightforward drama about a newly married, but sexually restless wife (Grandi) who cheats on her uni-brow husband in dangerous situations (dangerous, like getting caught or with strangers, not dangerous like on a rollercoaster, unfortunately). On the one hand, it's got a pretty mediocre plot, on the other, it has a lot of Serena runnin' around nekkid, stripping out of a rain-drenched white dress, spread open in medical stirrups, showering after an aerobic work out, etc. Oh, yeah, there were characters that talked and stuff too. Not sure what that was all about. Did I mention Serena Grandi gets naked a lot in this movie? There's some interesting fetishistic stuff for those who are looking for it. Upskirt shots, consensual rape, objectification and the always popular jazzercise sequence complete with lingering close-ups of Danskin-clad crotches. The reason I didn't even bother doing a full review of this is there is nobody reading at this point. Hello? Anyone? You're welcome e-bay.

Serena Grandi playing Intellivision in her jammies? Haaaaaaawwwt!

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The "Never Got Made" Files #69: George Romero's original DAY OF THE DEAD

Like many of his fellow horror directors, George Romero has a long list of unrealized projects (some of which we covered earlier here). Unlike his contemporaries, however, Romero can actually claim that he got an unmade project made with DAY OF THE DEAD (1985). Confused?  I hope so.  The third in his initial zombie trilogy, DAY OF THE DEAD was a decidedly different beast when Romero originally put pen to paper.  NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) had put Romero on the map and his follow-up DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978) proved that not only did the horror filmmaker deliver the gut-munching goods, but also that audiences were receptive to the notion of a zombie nation.  DAWN grossed an estimated $55 million worldwide, unheard of for an unrated film.  Naturally, a third film was quickly considered by Romero and his producing partners at Laurel Entertainment.

The first public mention of the third film I can find came in a June 1979 Variety where Laurel listed it (“tentatively titled DAY OF THE DEAD”) among their future releases.  The article does mention that Romero had not started the script yet.  On December 13, 1979, a 5-page synopsis titled DAY OF THE DEAD written by Romero was granted a U.S. copyright.  The next three years saw little public activity on the script as Romero directed KNIGHTRIDERS (1981) and CREEPSHOW (1982).  This changed on December 18, 1982, just over three years from the first copyright, as Romero’s first draft of DAY OF THE DEAD was copyrighted. The screenplay came in at a whopping 216 pages, so the epic quality of DAWN definitely seemed to be carrying over.  A heavy editing session resulted in a third copyright just under a month later on January 13, 1983.  This script was registered at 145-pages and now bore the title OLD SOLDIERS NEVER DIE, SATAN SENDS THEM BACK!: DAY OF THE DEAD. Apparently ol’ George had it in for the folks who changed the movie marquees back then.

Now here is where things get interesting.  Romero’s new script was certainly more ambitious than DAWN in that it traded a shopping mall with minimal characters for an inhabited island with lots of characters.  That means more money to spend on production and Laurel figured they would need a budget of about $7 million to do the film properly.  United Film Distribution Company (UFDC), who had a three-picture deal with Laurel and had previously released KNIGHTRIDERS, didn’t feel they could recoup their investment on an unrated picture.  The film’s rating was the major sticking point as advertising for unrated films had been strangled in the years between sequels.  If Romero could deliver an R-rating, he could get the big budget. If not, UFDC would only pony up $3.5 million. Romero, bless him, would not budge on the rating aspect, knowing his main man Tom Savini needed a chance to shine (remember kids, this was before unrated video releases were the rage). With a contractual filming deadline looming, the director again chipped away at his script during early 1984, bringing it down to 104-pages (the version we review below). Regardless, it was still deemed too expensive to make ($4.5 million) and this led Romero to do a major overhaul of his original script, resulting in the DAY OF THE DEAD film fans know today.

A considerable sense of déjà vu will overcome any Romero deadhead when they start reading this script.  Opening 5 years after the zombie outbreak (the actual year given is 1987), the screenplay kicks off with the same opening as the released DAY as a group of survivors land (via boat rather than a helicopter) in an unnamed Florida city looking for other living humans.  The “Hellllllo? Is anyone there?” cries are met only with the groans of the dead walking the street alongside alligators.  Our survivors – latinos Sarah, Miguel, Chico, Maria, and Tony – then head out looking for gas and discover some in a small dock.  This results in a firefight with some unfriendly locals who want their weapons; several group members are injured in the clash with Sarah chopping off boyfriend Miguel’s arm to avoid infection following a zombie bite (a bit carried over to the final DAY). Once back in the safety of their boat and out to sea, the group loses Tony, who succumbs to his gunshot wounds and comes back as a zombie, and his girlfriend Maria.  The remaining trio decides it is best to try and make it to an island…any island.

Yup, Rhodes is still a prick

Their small tugboat finally reaches Gasparilla’s Island, an isolated “tropical paradise” with no visible inhabitants.  (It should be noted there is a real Gasparilla’s Island off Florida, but it doesn’t appear to be the one Romero is using here.)  While exploring the land, the group is shocked to discover the opening to an underground facility.  Hiding in the dense bushes, they watch as a group of military men led by Captain Rhodes emerge from underground. Even more shocking is what they have with them – zombies in red jackets with rifles that seem trained to act as soldiers. Trying to sneak back to their boat, the interlopers draw the attention of the Rhodes and his undead army.  Miguel, who has gone quite mad since losing his arm, is killed in the ensuing shootout and Chico is captured and tortured by Rhodes before a sympathetic guard, Toby Tyler, puts the injured man out of his misery. Naturally, this draws the ire of the sadistic Rhodes and he later has his underling drawn up on charges of insubordination.

John, Bill and Sarah -
together again for the second time

As the only survivor, Sarah tries to make her way back to the boat but is attacked in the night by some zombies.  She is saved by a group of humans that include John, Bill McDermott and mute girl Spider.  John breaks down the island’s caste system for Sarah. Living high on hog underground is former Florida Governor Henry Dickerson, who has adopted the nickname Gasparilla from the Spanish pirate, and his Doral Country Club cronies; below them is the military led by Captain Rhodes; working alongside Rhodes are Dr. Mary Henried and Dr. Julie Grant, who are responsible for the conditioning and experimental training of the zombies; and finally there is the working class residing topside in the fenced-in, zombie-surrounded shantytown Stalag 17 who do most of the manual labor and unwittingly supplying the zombie munchie incentives during instruction sessions. Within the workers is a small rebel movement led by John and supported by various folks including Dr. Logan, a patchwork medic who is already certifiably insane.

Such conditions obviously set the stage for a battle between the have and the have-nots. Rhodes has Tyler sentenced to three months hard labor topside and he quickly joins up with the rebels, who are planning on escaping from the powers that be.  Their plan is to subdue the guards (using a plant with anesthetic qualities found on the island) and slip Dr. Mary, Tyler’s love interest, out so they can sneak off the island.  Trouble starts though when Logan goes off his rocker and decides he and a few followers are going to start their own holy war by blowing up the underground base with nitroglycerin snuck into the facility by hiding it in glass tubes inside Spider’s body. Naturally, all hell breaks loose in the underground facility and our heroes have to survive both crazed military men and armed zombies alike.  Oh, and protect the children. Yes, Romero lazily introduces a room of school children out of nowhere during the film’s final battle.

As you can see, several of the main characters from the final DAY already existed in Romero’s earlier drafts.  Lead character Sarah is Latino in this script and it appears Romero fused her and a part of the Dr. Mary Henried scientist character into the role eventually played by Lori Cardille.  The best change is that Sarah doesn’t retain any of Dr. Mary’s timidity and isn’t as much of a push over.  John is the still the central male hero character; although he has a stronger Caribbean accent here and is deeper into religion (the final scene literally has him as John the Baptist as he baptizes everyone on the new island).  Bill McDermott still has his flask and quips handy.  Rhodes is pretty much the same old Rhodes, although here he has a vested emotional interest in a previous relationship with Henried.  Interestingly, his support system of equally despicable enablers/underlings is missing here.  By far the biggest change is with Dr. Logan, who is far removed from his final character.  He is crazy from the get-go here and has no interaction with the zombie students.  In the final film, Logan definitely has a few screws loose, but he also had the zombie teacher aspect applied to Dr. Henried here.  And, of course, there is everyone’s favorite zombie Bub.  He is again the top zombie in his class, but his evolution seems a bit too advanced.  Not only is able to fire two six-shooters from his hips, but he can slap on his own holster and reload as well.  He does still give Rhodes his comeuppance, but it is done in a classic western standoff with Bub shooting him twelve (!) times.  Joining Bub are a few other smart zombies with nicknames like Tonto (because he is Indian) and Bluto (because he looks like the Popeye character).

This evolution might be the script’s biggest problem – the leap between DAWN and this DAY is just excessive.  Going from the mindless “they can use tools” zombies in DAWN to the quick learning pus buckets (thank you, Joe Polito) in this script is just too much, too soon.  For example, Henried teaches Bub to shoot at a certain color in one quick scene in the finale.  Quick learner, this brain dead zombie is.  As it reads, this is the perfect fourth film in the series (in fact, several ideas would appear 20 years later in Romero’s LAND OF THE DEAD [2005]), but there needed to be something in between

to bridge the gap.  The script does still have some other major problems, namely the dictator-in-chief Gasparilla. Described by Romero as a huge fat man with a handlebar mustache (really!) that “makes him look like Pancho Villa,” the character is a complete caricature and over-the-top.  No joke, his first scene has him gorging on fresh fruit during a military tribunal where he holds court in a General’s jacket with a Hawaiian shirt underneath.   He also likes to hold orgies where he makes hookers work out naked on exercise machines. Well, that ain’t too bad.  Someone as vicious as Rhodes listening to this guy’s commands is a bit silly.  Even if he is the benefactor of this island retreat, I have no doubt that, had the world ended in a zombie apocalypse, that someone would have made sure he “died” comfortably in his sleep rather than put up with him.

As it stands, even in its truncated form, Romero’s original DAY OF THE DEAD script is a fun read.  It has lots of action from the opening scene all the way to the end.  It is funny because Romero told The Zombies That Ate Pittsburgh author Paul Gagne in 1985 that he couldn’t yet remove himself from the difficult process of having to rewrite his script in order to accurately gauge his final film.  More recently, Romero has come around and states that DAY OF THE DEAD is his favorite of the original DEAD trilogy.  I’m inclined to agree with him as it seems to have the perfect balance of personal and political struggles mixed with some jaw-dropping (literally) effects work and one of the strongest zombie performances in cinema history (Howard Sherman as Bub).  I’m actually glad that Romero didn’t make his original film as intended as the trilogy needed something like the released DAY to show the zombie evolution in its infancy.  When there’s no more room in development hell, the creator of the dead builds a better movie.

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