Confession time: I’ve only seen the first two SAW films. I enjoyed them for what they were, but oddly had no desire to see rest of the series. Maybe it is my old age or the realization that the series writers are just making it up as the go along. Regardless of my puny participation, the SAW series has gone on to become the highest grossing horror series of all-time, having amassed over $839 million worldwide with the release of the seventh entry (“in mind-blowing 3D!”). Of course, I’m sure the producers and filmmakers hadn’t felt like they were truly successful until a porno spoof was made of their cash cow. Well, their dreams have been answered.
SAW: A HARDCORE PARODY centers on a bizarre series of torture slayings in the adult entertainment industry. Pudding-lovin’ Detective Roush (James Bartholet) and his partner Detective Humpsey (Syren De Mer) are on the case and start off by interviewing lone survivor Amber Rayne (playing “herself”). Right here the film lets you know level they are working on as she is laying in the hospital bed ass up and cringes at revealing her real name of Gertrude Vagina. Oh boy.
Anyway, she recounts a tale of horror about waking up in black room strapped to a wooden horse with a mechanized dildo in her ass and a naked dude in a gas mask in front of her. A creepy puppet pops up on a video screen and informs her she is being punished for her years in porn. She has a set amount of time to get the guy in front of her off and she must hurry as the machine behind her is also attached to strangling collar around the guy’s neck. If she fails, he dies. And who is this guy? “I’m your biggest fan,” he says, to which she replies while checking out his manhood, “You’re certainly not my biggest. I’ve seen bigger.” She succeeds right before the guy is killed and she is freed. The only info she can offer the cops is when she left, she remembers “I looked behind me and there was a green door.” Porn humor, yay!


Back at the office, Roush and Humpsey review a tape of the first murder of three porn stars. Evan Stone had an explosive device placed in his chest and is forced to keep it up with Asa Akira and Britney Amber for 40 minutes (the horror!) for his years of making “men feel inadequate.” The girls, in turn, have explosive collars around their necks which will detonate if he fails. The trio tries their best but he finishes 2 seconds before the allotted time. Ouch. There’s nothing worse than a 39 minutes 58 seconds man. What interests the detectives are the numbers 31253 painted on the floor. What could that mean? Anyway, Roush heads for his evening gig while Humpsey goes to tell the Chief about their findings. In his empty office, she sees a plaque on his wall and his badge number is 31253! Yes, the Chief is the killer and Humpsey rushes off to the warehouse location to save the day.
Did I just spend four paragraphs summing up a porn film directed by a guy named Dick Chibbles? Yes, apparently I did. SAW: A HARDCORE PARODY is really a mixed bag. On the positive side, I appreciated the attempt to merge the SAW landscape into the porn world. And how can you not love the fact that Ron Jeremy is the killer

Just like the production values, the performances are all over the map. Leads Bartholet and De Mer are actually good as the detectives, although he might be a bit too goofy. There is also some cruel injustice in seeing him perform in a scene (he looks like a cross between Danny McBride and Ricky Gervais) and her role is non-sex (she is shown nude during an amusing daydream bit). And for a porn, there is a decidedly amount of unsexy sex. Belle, Akira and Amber are all fine in their scenes, but again things are undermined by uninspired direction and flat camerawork. The production definitely would have benefited if they tried a bit harder to ape the SAW series style (other than setting up colored lights). I would have loved to have seen what FRIDAY THE 13th PARODY director Gary Orona would have done with this material.
![]() |
It ain't 1984 anymore... :-( |
0 Reactions:
Post a Comment