Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Buns and Ammo: SAVAGE BEACH (1989)

Andy Sidaris is back! Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) are back! Buns! Ammo! Old Japanese warriors!  Wait, what?

After busting some cocaine dealers (who smuggle their stock in pineapples), our busty federal agent duo find themselves delivering a medical serum to an island for Shane Abilene (Michael J. Shane). Yes, another Abilene! Anyway, a storm causes the plane to mess up and they get way off course before landing on a deserted island. They get company quick though when TWO groups show up to locate some lost Japanese gold.  You have one group led by Martinez (Rodrigo Obreg√≥n, back as yet another different villain) with his two helpers, Andreas (John Aprea, who just got blow’d up in PICASSO TRIGGER) and Bruce (Bruce Penhall, who was also a different character in PICASSO TRIGGER).  Confused? Good, now I’m not alone.  The other group is led by Anjelica (Teri Weigel) and you know she means business because Al Leong is among her flunkies. But what no one counted on was some some stranded Japanese World War II vet still living on the island.  Yes, HELL IN THE PACIFIC with boobs!!
Not sure why, but I enjoyed this much more than previous entry PICASSO TRIGGER (1988). Maybe because it was a bit more focused in the plot department, even though it is convoluted as hell? My mind was also reeling as this was my first "wait, who is this guy again" experience with director Andy Sidaris' roving band of players as he threw tons of cast members from the previous entry into this, but as brand new characters among the Playboy Playmates. Sidaris really upped the ante here though as he also cast a Playboy and Penthouse vet in Teri Weigel.   This was before she bared all and humped head first into the porn world.  Sidaris also capitalized on the Asian influence and cast James Lew and the ubiquitous Al Leong is supporting roles (rumor has it casting Leong as an Asian baddie was a union rule). The film’s end is the best as it features one of the funniest explanations and flashbacks from the Japanese warrior (who has terrible age make up) as he recognizes Taryn as the daughter of the American WWII soldier he killed on the island…by her eyes!  Naturally, the film is packed with nudity and Sidaris should get credit for what I believe is the world's most gratuitous mid-flight airplane changing scene (“Let’s get out of these wet clothes.”).  One thing that might shock Sidaris fans is the last 30 minutes is completely devoid of nudity.  Sadly, this marked the end of the road for Carlton in Sidaris-land as she moved on to bigger things like SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE III (1990) and GHOULIES III: GHOULIES GO TO COLLEGE (1991).  I'm genuinely sad to see the team of Donna and Taryn break up, but I'll be brave and keep a stiff upper lip with this uncertain future.

I'm guessing they aren't the Fashion Police:

Okay, meeting time:

Easy with that hi-tech computer stuff, guys!

Teri Weigel shows off her...
OMG, look at that lamp!

As my mom always said:
"Never, ever accept room service from Al Leong."

There must be a fetish site for this stuff, right?

Donna & Tayrn using their survival skills:

Must be some kind of Japanese fetish:

Who the hell is the dumbass who coordinated these outfits?

Okay, never mind, all is forgiven on the outfits: 

Now I know there is a fetish site for this:

My God, it's full of stars!

Donna delivers the buns and ammo!

The Magic Sword that makes your eyes wonky:


Sidaris aiming for that "buff Asian male" demographic:

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